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The Appearance of Numbness Incarnate

It’s been 4 months ago today that I unexpectedly lost my mom to the monster death.  Grief seeps isolation and loneliness from my bones.  I’m not depressed.  I’m not sad.  I am numb.  Completely devoid of emotion.  Just going through the motions. I have no word to express of my own.  Feeling numb and grieving creates this void in my mind, encourages a vast emptiness that craves words, thoughts, and self-expression, and no matter how long I knock on the door of emotion, I am denied access to my feelings and words.  I am forced to borrow the sentiment of …

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On the personal Uncategorized

3 Blogging Goals to Make 2018 My Most Successful Year Ever

Neil Patel said that blogging is like fishing.  “Some people do it all the time and never catch anything . . . while others catch everything.”  I am one who never catches anything, so I’ve decided to do something about it. Writing blogging and branding goals is not everyone’s cup of tea; it’s not mine either.   However, I am extremely passionate about my blog.  I want to reach people, inspire people, help people, and teach people through my own experience to live the best life possible, especially those struggling with mental illness.  However, I don’t feel I am reaching my …

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Uncategorized Wednesday Wisdom

10 Ways to Take Back Your Power

      There is something we all have in common no matter where we’re from or what we’ve been through:  most of us have the desire for power and control over ourselves and our life and circumstances.  Perhaps events in your life have you feeling victimized, or maybe your circumstances have left you  feeling powerless and helpless.   If you feel this way, you are not alone.  It is time to take back your power! Power over our life is a deep need we all have, but some feel they are lacking the power to influence or effect a change …

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Friday Feelings – SELF-CARE AND THE HOLIDAYS

Maybelline says, “This road trip is making me tired.  I’ll just steal Becca’s pillow.” I’d love to hear from you? Is self-care difficult for you? Do you do anything special this time of year to help you cope? I’m too busy; I don’t want to inconvenience anybody; There just aren’t enough hours in the day; My family will hate me; I don’t want to be selfish; Others need me more; My boss expects more of me this time of year. Have you said those words or others regarding practicing self-care?  The list of reasons not to take care of ourselves …

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Wednesday Wisdom – DO YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR STORY? Vol 2

POWER Do you have power? What is it? How do you get it? What do you do with it? Power: The ability to do or act in a particular way to direct or influence others’ behaviors.  I know in the mental health community, my experiences with power are not dissimilar to others. When I think of power, I am reminded how little power or control it seemed I’ve had over my life, particularly as a child.  Growing up, Birth Mother was more of a “my way or the highway”  type mom.  To say she was controlling and unyielding in her …

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Music Monday – All about RECOVERING! and FORGIVENESS? Vol 2

Welcome to another edition of Music Monday!  I’ll be quiet now because I have a lot to say regarding the following song “Praying” by Kesha.   Side note:   I don’t know why it turned my background white.  All words are my own except when directly quoted. I‘d also love to hear from you. What songs are you relating to right now? How do you feel about forgiveness for those whom have hurt you? What are you struggling with right now? Kesha – “Praying” While watching the video and reading the accompanying lyrics, I was all torn up and mentally chaotic. Breaking …

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THE NOT-SO BIG REVEAL OUT OF HIDING!

Always have to start with Maybelline.  She’s the beginning and the end of my world. Today sucks.  I hate today.  I feel depressed because I’m fat.  I am having some distressing gastrointestinal issues going on, and they are wreaking havoc on my body and making me feel fat . . . . which in turn makes me depressed.  So I’ve been hiding in my apartment all day. So I thought of one thing that might make me feel better today which is to stop hiding behind an anonymous screen and reveal my picture and identity.  I’ve been thinking about revealing …

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FRIDAY FEELINGS – THE BASICS OF SELF CARE – VOL 1

Never really engaging in self-care, I had no idea what to expect, write, or suggest about it. I’ve been to enough treatment facilities that encouraged self-care, but I always believed I didn’t deserve it, so I wouldn’t even try. But learning that self-care lowers stress levels, helps maintain focus on recovery, and helps boost personal happiness, I knew that whether I believed I deserved self-care or not, I was going to “fake it till I make it”; I was going to act like I deserved it. But where to begin? First, the website Psych Central defines self care as “any …

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BROKEN, BEATEN, AND BULLIED

I can count on it.  I depend on it.  And it never lets me down.  The nighttime, from 6-10, is the graveyard where my pretenses  go to die.    It’s kind of good in a way . . . to feel this despair, I mean.  Before I would try to steel myself against the pain, but now innocent tears plunge down well worn pathways, and my resolve is lost.  I become that bullied child again.   I often think I should just get over it.  They were just kids, weren’t they?  Did they know better?  Does it matter? Ask my …

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