Mary, Mary

I’m feeling quite sad. I found out my friend, Mary, lost her battle with Anorexia and passed away. Mary and I were good friends in treatment. Mary was a little naughty in the hospital and was not allowed to be away from the nurse’s station, so she always asked me to join her at the […]

Read More

Silent Screams

Things are quiet, but they’re not. There’s not much to talk about, but there’s so much to say. I haven’t been posting or taking photos of my food because the words aren’t there and neither is the food. The eating disorder is a little bit louder these days, and I’m having a hard time with […]

Read More

Resurfacing

I am now able to breathe again. This past weekend was indescribable, involving all the temper tantrums, self-deprecating thoughts, and histrionics a lapse in recovery can bring. Lying in the abyss of hell, one doesn’t feel that life can get better if you just hang on a little longer. Face down in despair, it feels […]

Read More

Oops! I did it again…(Trigger Warning for ED talk)

Oops…I did it again. I binged and purged today. I won’t lie; I felt better afterward. All my anxiety had been lifted, and I felt clean. It all started this morning when I went shopping for a swimsuit and a dress. I took six dresses, 3 swimsuits, and what little self-esteem I had into the […]

Read More

How to cope when you want to act out

How to cope when you want to act out 1

The question was asked of me on Formspring what I do to not act out when I’ve eaten something risky. I thought I would address this question here because I’ve heard from many readers who deal with dissociation and also have eating disorders. I believe it is worthwhile to address this here because coping extends […]

Read More