On the personal

The Liebster Award 2018

It’s something you hope for but never expect.  You pour out your heart and soul and think nobody is noticing,  but they notice.  Then one day you are reading a talented writer’s blog post and realize she has nominated you for the Liebster Award.  You blink and look again.  Did I really just read I’ve been nominated for an award?!  Surely not.  You think of a million reasons why you shouldn’t have been nominated, and then you finally scrape up a reason or two of why you should.  So with all the gratitude my heart can give, I thank Heidi …

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On the personal

15 Reasons Why I Love Writing And How I Need To Change

The desire for self-expression afflicts people when they feel there is something of themselves which is not getting through to the outside world. ~ Fay Weldon My writing muse has been mute lately.  My writing has grown stale and unsatisfying to me. Though I wrote an article on the dangers of comparison found here, I can not help but admit my own weaknesses in comparing myself to others.  Because I feel inferior and less valuable as a result of comparing myself to others, I have started down a path where I blog for others and not for myself, and that …

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Writing, Therapy, and Flashbacks

I don’t feel like conspiring to write brilliantly.  I don’t want to care that the creativity has gone out of me like a candle in the wind.  I think I shall never write again because we are not in the blackouts of depression, despair, or constant self-damnation to write from the heart and soul again. There’s a website I’m linking here called Writing Forward that has creative writing prompts, but I haven’t been doing them.  Maybe because I’m lazy, maybe because there’s no audience to which to write, maybe the prompts just don’t speak to me like writing about the …

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I don’t feel well.  I have been dissociative, spacey, and dizzy all evening.  There’s a sense of urgency to write, and I can’t escape it.  I must, I must, I must eject what’s in this crazy, demanding  head. I was anxious this morning, but I knew I would be taking my dog Maybelline for a walk and that would help dissipate some anxiety, and it did.  After our walk, my anxiety lessened until this evening. But this evening the anxiety shot back up, and the dissociation made it impossible to think and speak clearly.  I’ve had some things on my …

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Memories Denied

I disappear under the collapse of the padded walls in which I am mentally locked. I seem to have spectacularly careened off the solid road of recovery and engaged in behaviors that have sent me back to being someone emotionally unstable. Barely making it, I am now suffocating with the awareness of all the frivolous attempts at a sane life I’ve perpetrated, like so many lies spilling from my unselective mouth. At the beginning of my summer break, I decided to begin writing my memoir. I set myself up for failure. It seems to write a memoir one needs memories …

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