I skipped work and school because I’m tired. So fucking tired.
As an English teacher, I am supposed to teach my students how to compare and contrast. Frankly, I’m sick of comparison. That’s all I do and that’s all that gets done to us. I fucking don’t care if other people with D.I.D. made it through recovery. Don’t fucking compare us to them. I am sick of my blog being compared to others, by me and by others. I just want to be an individual. We have our own ways and what worked for others to get “better” doesn’t mean it will work for us.
I’m tired of our ex-Randy telling us everything we are doing is wrong. I am sick of hearing about avoidance and not trying and not believing. I’m sick of it. And then the tables get turned and if we don’t believe it’s not because our progress is genuinely questionable, it’s because we have bad attitudes and can’t see the impact we have on others.
Just because other people can get better doesn’t mean we can do it, or that it will be the same way, or the same length of time, or the same anything. Quit comparing us to other people, to the literature, to what your colleagues say, to your experience with people “like us”, and to what you think. You don’t know anything. You weren’t under the bed or hiding in the closet with us. Quit comparing!!! We can’t live up to it and can’t take the pressure of trying to be what people think we are. We’ve done that all our life and we are exhausted.
More comparisons!! I’m tired of our dismal, depressing blog being compared to everyobody else’s. What a ocmmunity of happy D.I.D.’ers. No wonder no one reads us. It’s depressing. But it’s where we are. It’s fucking where we are, and now that we are even more alone than we were 24 hours ago, it will probably be where we are for the rest of our life.
does anyone know how lonely and what a failure we feel like when people suppose we ought to be better by now. Point out what is different, it doesn’t matter. Different isn’t progress. It’s just different.
I can’t stand the empty shell that I am. I can’t stand the emptiness. And if someone could take it away from me I would do anything, give anything, be anything just to make it stop. We are so disappointed in the process and the lonliness of our decisions it kills us. At least by ourselves, no one can compare how inferior we are, how we don’t try, how other people could do what we don’t, how worthless we are. We already knew that without your fucking comparison.