we’re having a hard time with this assignment and decided to take a break. the “i remember when i was ten” piece is getting us depressed, sad, and destuctive. we came together and remembered some things that happened in the periphery: running the go cart into the garage door of our friend, swinging on a tire, afraid to let a boy walk us home from school b/c we thought he would “take advantage” of us, the supposed father biting his orange from the top and splitting it in half. these are some of the memories. but we hate them. we don’t want any part of them. they aren’t us yet they are. we don’t want any part of the past to lay claim on us. some weren’t born then. why should they bear our hurt and pain? i’m getting off track. i hate this assignment and i don’t lie so i can’t make something up. but what am i supposed to write? i existed on a piece of toast a day for six weeks, i cried when i stepped on the scale, i wanted to break my arm because our favorite baseball player broke his, the fire in the apartments that blew up behind the house of hell they said was our “home.”

dammmit to hell. i hate it all. i hate this assignment. i don’t know how to do it with lying. it’s just wrong.