It’s one of those times I know I should write but I don’t know what to say. I’m upset right now. It seems the holidays only bring bad fortune to me. Last year in December, my husband and I both had our cars stolen out of our driveway overnight. Our cars were never recovered and they were both paid off; we now have two car payments to manage that we hadn’t planned on nor can afford. This holiday, someone stole my husband’s credit card number and ran up over $1,0000.00 in charges. The credit card company will not hold us responsible for the fraudulent charges and for that I’m relieved; but I’m also ticked off that people have no conscious about them and feel no shame in creating drama and hassle in people’s lives. I don’t want to use the “v” word but I do feel taken advantage of. (There are some words my mouth just can’t utter so I only use the first letter of the word, like “r” and “v” and “m”. You can guess the words.) In any case, I feel so helpless and powerless and vulnerable. That’s the worst part. I don’t care too much about the money since I’m not responsible, but I do care that I can’t do anything to stop someone who has some control over my life and my credit.
I’m keeping a food diary now. It helps to see how much I’m eating. I try to write everything down. I was afraid to at first because I thought it might make me restrict mercilessly. It hasn’t. it’s just making me aware of how much I’m taking in; it’s actually creating a good feeling in me because I can see that I’m not overeating and I’m not an overstuffed buffalo. Just a buffalo.
I’m on vacation and I didn’t pay too close attention as to what I packed. I pulled a pair of jeans out of my suitcase and thought they looked different but that usually happens. I have clothes and songs and other items that I don’t remember purchasing. Back to the point, I looked at the jeans and noticed an initial on the label. The jeans belong to a 12 year old girl of whom I help take care, along with her twin sister. I put the jeans on and they fit! I was so excited. The twelve year old is by no means fat or overweight, so I was delighted that I could wear her jeans. I’ll be even more excited when her jeans get too big for me.
The shifts have been mild today. I could feel them only two or three times. I wonder what keeps them away sometimes and other times they trip over each other to get out. Perhaps the lack of activity is because I’m on vacation at my in-laws and relatively not stressed – except for the news of my husband’s credit card being charged.
We watched Pirates of the Caribbean. At World’s End today. I freakin’ love Johnny Depp as Cpt. Jack Sparrow. Hot, hot hot!!! It’s really the only movie role I’ve ever liked him in.
I’ve bought all the books for Spring semester, which is coming up right around the corner. I’m nervous and excited at the same time. There is a class I really want to take on the Feminist Critical Lens, but it’s not part of my curriculum. I could take it but it would set my graduation back two semester.
I didn’t write anything of significance. I’ve had no epiphanies. I suppose just maintaining the habit of writing will have to be good enough tonight.
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