White Knuckles

White Knuckles 1

I am dissociative.  My brain is foggy, and I can’t think.  My head has a far-away ache.  There is chaos living inside that I cannot describe would I even be allowed. I’m a little bit hungry, but feeling empty is keeping me calm even though I’m coming off the rails and in over my head. […]

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Big Fat Lies

It’s been a few years since I’ve been on here.  Don’t really know what I’ve been up to except teaching high school and going off to treatment. Tonight I was looking at the very first entry in an incomplete journal book, beginning date of 10-15-2008.  I was in residential treatment at the time. There was […]

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Not As We

Nobody lives here anymore. Poke and stir the ashes of yesterday’s consumption, you will not find me . . . and they have been missing for a while. There were signs it was happening. My soul became painfully still and quiet. I couldn’t locate myself in the expanding vacuum. I fell . . . lost […]

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Beautiful Goodbye

Disclaimer: It is hard for me to get these words out. They dry and crumble up just when I want to release them into the vastness of this universe. The writing is not mine. It is short and choppy. The words did not approach me with the eloquence they often carry in their heart. However […]

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Are you there God? It’s me.

My eyes are blurry and my head is fuzzy.  The tears keep breaking the ledge and blazing a trail down my face.  I have taken one too many meds.  The migraine has pounded consistently today, as it has the last week and longer.  I really don’t know what is wrong with me, and I have […]

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