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“Must we Process All Trauma to heal?”

Do we need to remember and process all traumatic memories in order to heal from dissociative identity disorder (DID)?  When it comes to the complicated disorder of DID, there frequently are more questions than there are answers, and the explanation of the above question is no less difficult.  Before I provide an answer, it is important to understand the way our emotional traumatic memories work and what it actually means to process and heal from them.

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Writing, Therapy, and Flashbacks

I don’t feel like conspiring to write brilliantly.  I don’t want to care that the creativity has gone out of me like a candle in the wind.  I think I shall never write again because we are not in the blackouts of depression, despair, or constant self-damnation to write from the heart and soul again. There’s a website I’m linking here called Writing Forward that has creative writing prompts, but I haven’t been doing them.  Maybe because I’m lazy, maybe because there’s no audience to which to write, maybe the prompts just don’t speak to me like writing about the …

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Whispers Heard as Screams

I’m going on record declaring this complete bull shit. —————————————————————————————– I don’t know what to say really.  I don’t know what to feel either. Maybe I am really okay, and it didn’t hurt as badly as it seems.  Or, maybe I’m covering up the greatest pain we’ve ever known throughout the gift of numbness. I’m sure I am being dramatic.  It’s true; I’m not crying.  No, I’m not overly anxious.  Surely there is nothing wrong. I mean, what damage has been done?  Maybe the lack of feelings are because the damage is more intellectual, more cerebral.  Emotionally it’s no big …

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A curvy woman

The drama of this past weekend has subsided a little. I met with Dietician today and explained to her how I felt I couldn’t trust her because she was making me fat. When she weighed me, my weight had maintained over the past month, so she may not be making me as fat as I feel she is. An area we talked about was the subject of curves on a woman. I said to her I felt I was gaining weight primarily in my hips and thighs and she asked me what was wrong with having curves. When she asked …

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I am beside myself. I’m at a real loss for words. I’m not going to turn this into a blog on eating disorders, but since it’s so much a part of my recovery I have to include the topic as we document our journey and recovery. Sometimes it takes my breath away. I was fine this evening, almost happy. I was enjoying the five tulips that are daring to grow among the many weeds in my yard. I started to prepare my dinner and the wave of fear came over me. Not fear but terror. I weighed and measured every …

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Titleless, wordless, thoughtless, pointless, just less

Once again, I sit down with nothing to write about. I don’t know why I’ve gotten so fussy about sitting down to the computer with a prepared speech to type in; nevertheless, it would be nice, knowing others are reading this, to have some organization of thoughts. In closer thinking, this delimma about having nothing or not knowing what to write mimics my daily living. My thoughts are more often than not disorganized and disarrayed. I saw my T. today and in mid-sentence I couldn’t remember what we were discussing. It happens constantly with my husband, D. So all I …

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