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“Must we Process All Trauma to heal?”

Do we need to remember and process all traumatic memories in order to heal from dissociative identity disorder (DID)?  When it comes to the complicated disorder of DID, there frequently are more questions than there are answers, and the explanation of the above question is no less difficult.  Before I provide an answer, it is important to understand the way our emotional traumatic memories work and what it actually means to process and heal from them.

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I don’t feel well.  I have been dissociative, spacey, and dizzy all evening.  There’s a sense of urgency to write, and I can’t escape it.  I must, I must, I must eject what’s in this crazy, demanding  head. I was anxious this morning, but I knew I would be taking my dog Maybelline for a walk and that would help dissipate some anxiety, and it did.  After our walk, my anxiety lessened until this evening. But this evening the anxiety shot back up, and the dissociation made it impossible to think and speak clearly.  I’ve had some things on my …

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I AM the Old Struggle

This weekend was an exercise in futility.  Still reeling from the session with Therapist written about  here,  I unsuccessfully navigated a weekend that was filled with meaning and importance for me, and I failed. I keep going over it in my mind, twisting it, turning it, unknotting it, what was said by Therapist  and I’m starting to feel angry about the session. I don’t know. I don’t know.  I don’t know. I. don’t. know. My guard is up.  My mind is closed clam shut. I reverted back to whom I don’t want to be. Fuck all that. These words are …

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White Knuckles

I am dissociative.  My brain is foggy, and I can’t think.  My head has a far-away ache.  There is chaos living inside that I cannot describe would I even be allowed. I’m a little bit hungry, but feeling empty is keeping me calm even though I’m coming off the rails and in over my head. There is so much to say, but I don’t know what it is.  The tears are scurrying behind my eyes and the rallying cry to keep “it” away from me is called.  I have not enough focus for this post.  I am zigzagging like a …

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Cooking up a big pot of amnesia..

I’m a little bit unsettled after seeing the movie Bride Wars. It wasn’t the movie itself that bothered me; it was that D. insisted I had taken our god-daughters already to see the movie. I went over it back and forth in my mind and felt adamant that I hadn’t seen the movie. Even as the movie was being played I tried to see if I could remember a scene here or a scene there. After the movie I phoned my god-daughters to see if they could remember seeing the movie. C. gave me a play by play of the …

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