Missing In Sight

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sexual abuse

TBT ~ Metaphor ~ A Comparison Between Then and Now

Welcome to Throwback Thursday where I find a blog post that is at least five years old and compare how I was doing back then to how I am doing now. The following piece entitled “Metaphor” is a poem I… Continue Reading →

Living Through My Own Body Memory

Living through a body memory

THE COUP: ILLEGAL SEIZURE OF POWER

Maybelline sound asleep.  She loves her crate.  Makes her feel safe and secure. I don’t know if I can write this post.  I feel extremely dissociative at this very moment despite taking my medication. I don’t know why it’s important… Continue Reading →

Safety is as Stupid Does

Maybelline taking a long nap after a walk. I feel uneasy and unsettled, and a lot has to do with our session with Therapist.  The clock revealed only 30 minutes had elapsed, so I must have lost time in there…. Continue Reading →

Writing, Therapy, and Flashbacks

I don’t feel like conspiring to write brilliantly.  I don’t want to care that the creativity has gone out of me like a candle in the wind.  I think I shall never write again because we are not in the… Continue Reading →

I don’t feel well.  I have been dissociative, spacey, and dizzy all evening.  There’s a sense of urgency to write, and I can’t escape it.  I must, I must, I must eject what’s in this crazy, demanding  head. I was… Continue Reading →

Whispers Heard as Screams

I’m going on record declaring this complete bull shit. —————————————————————————————– I don’t know what to say really.  I don’t know what to feel either. Maybe I am really okay, and it didn’t hurt as badly as it seems.  Or, maybe… Continue Reading →

I AM the Old Struggle

This weekend was an exercise in futility.  Still reeling from the session with Therapist written about  here,  I unsuccessfully navigated a weekend that was filled with meaning and importance for me, and I failed. I keep going over it in… Continue Reading →

Big Fat Lies

It’s been a few years since I’ve been on here.  Don’t really know what I’ve been up to except teaching high school and going off to treatment. Tonight I was looking at the very first entry in an incomplete journal… Continue Reading →

Keturah

I don’t know what to do with myself. I hate nights like these. Empty. Spoiled. Long. I am a child. And I can’t breathe. My brain hurts. It’s not a headache. My brain is itchy and scratchy and needs to… Continue Reading →

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