This poem to my eating disordered self was written by us during our residential treatment for our eating disorder.  While the words of reconciliation and love do not always ring true, we hold them in our heart for those times we can take them out again and practice loving our body and self the way it deserves.

 

“Dear Body”

Come sit down beside me,

I promise I’ll not scold.

Please share with me your painful thoughts.

That have cut you to the bone.

 

I promise I will listen,

To how I’ve broken your pink heart,

When I told you how I hated you

As soon as my words would start.

 

I said I didn’t love you,

That you were never good enough.

And that no one else would love you

Because you’d never measure up.

 

I cursed you for your appearance

And your failures on the scale.

For  your bumps, your lumps, your curves and swerves,

For a frame that wasn’t frail.

 

I said that you were lacking

In everything you touched.

I said you were never special,

Because your size was just too much.

 

I exposed you to the vilest words,

That was ever said to one.

And burned my contempt into your heart

And said you were good to none.

 

And even though I hurt you,

I would never let you cry.

I forced a smile upon your face

And dared for it to lie.

 

But now I come before you,

Humble and contrite.

I want to make amends to you

Because you deserve the right

 

To live each day without the fear

Of one of my attacks

And to know the times I wounded you

Are never coming back

 

And now there is a “maybe”

Where one never did exist.   

A maybe that holds a promise

That there’s more to life than this.

 

Maybe we can forge a life

And live it out as friends

Maybe you could learn to trust me

And we could start again.

 

Maybe we could live each day

Without me needing to achieve.

Maybe I could give to you

The love you tried to give to me.

 

Maybe I won’t force you

Into clothes that just won’t fit.

Maybe I won’t measure the space

You take up when you sit.

 

Maybe you will learn to see

That I will keep you safe.

And I’ll not hurt you anymore

For simply being what God made.

 

So I’ll collect all these maybes,

And wrap you in their warmth

So maybe when we can win this battle

Because we are both worth fighting for.

 

Love, Becca et al