The title of this post comes from the infamous words above from Dr. Suess who said that those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. 

I try to remember these words every time I sit down to write a post, and I have to confront the perfectionist parts of me, the parts that love to tell me I’m worthless and no one actually cares what I have to write. I try to convince myself that those who matter will not abandon me because of my current bout of depression.

I have worked on this post for weeks, feeling it never being good enough to share with others. But I am sick to death of worrying about what other people think. I value what my readers have to say and what their experiences are in reading my work, but at the end of the post, I have to be true to me. Those who mind my truth don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. 

I was afraid when I started writing in my blog again that I would lose readers, and so I have. As I’ve struggled with severe depression in the last few months, I know my writing has sometimes been self-defeating, indulgent, and nihilistic. I know it’s not always pleasant to read my experiences, especially when they are dark and depressing, and so others have chosen to leave, unsubscribe, and unfollow.

I feel like Kramer on Seinfeld: “Look away! I’m hideous!”

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When I say to look away, I’m loosely speaking of the content of my writing. It can get dark. I don’t blame others for wanting to look away. I don’t want to hear my thoughts either. I wish I could look away, unsubscribe, or unfollow them, too. 

Even though it’s not always pleasant to write or read my experiences, I promised myself when I returned to my blog after a brief time away that I was going to write for me and keep it honest and real. It’s the only way to take the shame away that I feel for struggling with my mental health. 

I’ve always been a champion of the idea of speaking your truth, even if your voice shakes, even if nobody is listening, and even if your truth is unpopular. And so I will continue to speak my truth, as dark as it might be, and even if others have to look away. I truly believe that sharing our stories and connecting with each other provides relief in knowing we are not alone in our struggles. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I will continue to post my truth, the good, the bad, the shameful, and the what-was-she-thinking moments. And while I would rather write about how sunflowers are my kindred spirit, or how my dog Lizzie prances around like a dancing diva, I just haven’t been in that place consistently to where I can give it voice. So my writing might still come out dark, and I’m giving myself permission for that to be okay.

I know that putting my mental health on stage makes me vulnerable to others. I need to be more resilient and accepting that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I just want to connect with others and share stories of how we’re surviving life. There is something beautiful in knowing you aren’t in this alone and others understand what it is like to contend with similar feelings.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’m sorry if my transparency bothers you, and I hope not to lose you like I have others.

With bravery, I am being me.

I need to be my authentic self, which means I’m still going to share my experiences, both happy and sad. Thank you for sticking around. I hope through our journeys we are able to connect. 

What are your thoughts?

• How do you feel about sharing your life for public consumption? 
• Is it possible to overshare?