I’ve still got it, but I don’t want it. I purged tonight, and it was easy. Too easy. The last couple of times I purged it was difficult. I had to use all the little tricks I’ve learned along the way to make my food come up. It left my throat raw and my stomach […]
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Forgive me while I wax melodramatic. The struggle with food continues and, besides the people constantly pressing behind my eyes, I feel so alone. I’m trying so hard but it doesn’t feel good or make me happy. I’m not purging and I’m eating three squares a day but I feel the old eating disorder creeping […]
Read MoreI’m a piece of sh*t. I can’t get happy. If I eat, I’m worthless. If I restrict, I’m worthless. Spent over two hours in the gym today. Tried to leave after an hour but I just couldn’t. I thought of all the calories I wouldn’t be burning so I stayed. I can’t talk or think […]
Read MoreHaving a bad day, a bad week, a bad month. Can’t get out of bed today.
Read MoreI’m okay, I’m not okay
I’m disgusted with myself. I can’t break the cycle of restrictive eating. I don’t know if I even want to. Then today I committed a cardinal sin: I weighed myself. I thought I might have lost a little weight the way Husband has been talking and getting worried. But no. Not one ounce. I can’t […]
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