I AM the Old Struggle

This weekend was an exercise in futility.  Still reeling from the session with Therapist written about  here,  I unsuccessfully navigated a weekend that was filled with meaning and importance for me, and I failed. I keep going over it in my mind, twisting it, turning it, unknotting it, what was said by Therapist  and I’m […]

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Deja Vu Times Two

I wrote the piece below in April of 1995.  I am posting it today because it still defines my existence.  The writing is about how it is so hard to be hopeful because there is always something to strip me of that comfort. I concede today I choose to live my days clouded with negativity, […]

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Mary, Mary

I’m feeling quite sad. I found out my friend, Mary, lost her battle with Anorexia and passed away. Mary and I were good friends in treatment. Mary was a little naughty in the hospital and was not allowed to be away from the nurse’s station, so she always asked me to join her at the […]

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Thanks for nothing

i really don’t know what will become of me. The anxiety is so so bad that i was so close to D. taking me to the medical hospital. i coulnd’t walk, the room was shaking, I wanted to jump out of my skin. And no matter what I did I coudln’t get better. Today, no […]

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