I am beside myself. I’m at a real loss for words. I’m not going to turn this into a blog on eating disorders, but since it’s so much a part of my recovery I have to include the topic as we document our journey and recovery. Sometimes it takes my breath away. I was fine […]
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“It’s always something.”
I woke up to myself this morning. I felt unreal but more like my real self than I had in days. I quickly did a backwards inventory of Monday, Sunday, Saturday, and Friday. I couldn’t find myself in any of those days. I scurried around the house looking for traces of my existence over the […]
Read MoreDead, bloated, and bad
Thank you to everyone for their comments. They are part of what’s keeping me going right now. This has been a bad weekend for us. It didn’t start out bad on Friday, but something, I can’t remember what now, kept us from working out. If I don’t work out then my meal plan is screwed […]
Read MoreFailure lurks around these pages. That’s right. I am a failure, a fat failure. I didn’t follow the meal plan today that Dietician prescribed for me last night and I agreed to. I’ve skipped dinner and evening snack. I was hoping for a new start by seeing the Dietician but the eating disorder behavior really […]
Read MoreI’ve still got it, but I don’t want it. I purged tonight, and it was easy. Too easy. The last couple of times I purged it was difficult. I had to use all the little tricks I’ve learned along the way to make my food come up. It left my throat raw and my stomach […]
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