Uncategorized

Silent Screams

Things are quiet, but they’re not. There’s not much to talk about, but there’s so much to say. I haven’t been posting or taking photos of my food because the words aren’t there and neither is the food. The eating disorder is a little bit louder these days, and I’m having a hard time with my food. A dichotomy is growing inside: those who are pro life and those who are pro eating disorder. The recovery voice is still speaking, alerting us there is life worth living outside of an eating disorder. I listen closely, praying she is right. She …

Continue Reading
Uncategorized

Emotional

I feel so emotional. The least little thing is provoking tears. I never cry, so why are these tears so special? I’m living in a dark place where no one can see me or touch me. I do not feel safe. I had an MRI today to help determine the cause of my dizziness and fatigue. I hope they find an answer soon because I am so miserable. I didn’t have the physical or mental energy to get off my couch and walk to the kitchen for a cool drink. I use to go to the gym for that release, …

Continue Reading
Uncategorized

Question Asked, Question Answered Part 2

Castor Girl asked a question of me in a post on May 8 regarding our loneliness and what was causing it. She asked, “Do you know what’s happened to you to make you feel so lonely?” Several events have taken place that explain the recent onset of loneliness. First, I started reading a book called Beating Ana, and in this book the author asserts that relationships replace eating disorders. We began to think about this idea and began to see the trueness of the words. For so long we’ve turned down offers to see movies, go shopping, or have lunch …

Continue Reading
Uncategorized

First off, I’m on Formspring now, so if you have anything you want to ask me, big or small, I’ll do my best to answer it. It’s a great way to find out more about Missing In Sight. I read this book to my littles tonight. I was impressed with what Bee said on my comments page about what she does for her littles, including her adolescent parts and it motivated me to do more for my littles. When I read this book for the first time it made me cry. It is such a sweet and nurturing book. I …

Continue Reading
Uncategorized

April 30th

Yesterday was such a beautiful, warm and sunny day that I decided to plant some flowers. I love flowers but do not have a knack for keeping them alive. That only thing that thrives in my garden are weeds. Nevertheless, things can change and I chose some flowers that are appropriate for where I’m planting them. I can’t tell the names of the flowers I planted because I just don’t know. But here are some lovely pics. This is the before picture. Hence, my lovely weeds. And the flowers (alive before I get to them) from Lowe’s. And here is …

Continue Reading
Uncategorized

If we weren’t all crazy we’d just go insane.

That’s a quote by Jimmy Buffet. I’m not sure that I’m not crazy AND insane, or if they are even mutually exclusive. I’m so lost inside the mess and dissociation that cradles my life. Having Dissociative Identity Disorder is like having a broken mind. My thoughts are disorganized. I remember face but not names of people I’m in treatment with for weeks. Time is totally distorted. My mind doesn’t document events or happenings, and inevitably I get the fatal “Do you remember when you/we…?” My mind is so broken I can’t adequately describe it. You should have seen me in …

Continue Reading