Grief. It can cause numbness, emptiness, shock, abandonment, depression, crying, exhaustion, confusion, and much more. If such pain is brought on by grief, who would think of themselves as lucky when they lose someone they dearly love? But being lucky is the conclusion toward which I’m slowly reaching.
For almost a month, I’ve been mired in grief and the accompanying depression and sadness that ebbs and mostly flows with the loss and mourning of my mom. The overwhelming grief for my mom is a monster for which nothing could have prepared me; however, my perspective is starting to change. I’m realizing now how lucky I am.
I had an extraordinary mom. She was generous beyond her means. She quietly helped those who needed money, clothes, food, even if it meant her going without. She was wise and pragmatic, helping me see a practical and objective perspective on life.
I wish I could have been more for her. She would always tell me I was her favorite daughter. When I replied I was her only daughter, she would tell me that made me her favorite. She loved me more than she should have. I will be happy if I become just a little like her.
While the pain screams so loudly in my heart, in my grief I realize now how lucky I am. I had someone in my life that was worth this grief. The sorrow is worth enduring just for the chance I had of knowing her and having her as my mom.
Saying goodbye to my mom has been the greatest agony I have experienced. But I realize how fortunate I am. I’m so lucky to have had the chance to know someone so special that it hurts to let her go. While I don’t wish grief on anyone, I do wish all to have that special someone in his or her life that it makes saying goodbye so hard. That’s the blessing. The grief I feel over losing my mom is worth it because I knew someone so phenomenal and special that it is worth the pain.
I love you, mom. I always did; I always will.