don’t know what to do with myself. I hate nights like these. Empty.
Spoiled. Long. I am a child. And I can’t breathe. My brain
hurts. It’s not a headache. My brain is itchy and scratchy and
needs to be soothed and calmed.
feels wrong. My hands hold my head. I need comfort, but I don’t
know where to go, as if there was some place to turn.
get desperate. I need to go.
nights are the hardest to suffer. They make me ache like
nothing else can. The nights make me feel lonely and helpless and
vacuous. I need to feel complete.
voices in my head try to race to completion, as if there were a
finish line. Who can scream the loudest. Who can talk the fastest.
you know how much this hurts. I’m not as strong as you think. I’m cracking. I’m breaking. You
refuse to see it.
don’t want to rescue myself anymore. For tonight, I need you to pick
me up off the ground, hold me and hug me, protect me, and make me
feel everything will be alright.
They are in my head right now. In
3-D. Coming at me. I can see them. They can see me.  I can hear them.  They won’t hear me.
don’t be one of them. 

One thought on “Keturah

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  1. So many nights, I have felt this way. Why must I be the strongest thing in sight, every where I go, never allowed to rest, lean myself against someone else? Even my Mate is snoring, now…

    He asked me once, if I could see the downside of being so strong…

    You have found it, Dear. Sometimes, you really ARE the strongest thing around you… and you just need to fold the strong parts around the weak parts, and comfort yourself a bit, be kind and nurturing to yourself, as you wish it done to you.

    Been there. Feel for ya. And that makes me KNOW you'll get through it…! :O>

    — SynthGirl

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