It rarely happens, like a blue moon, but occasionally I’ll have those off days where I/we actually get items on our “to do” lists accomplished. Today was one of those days. I guess what really happens is that I let all my shit pile up and up and up until I can’t take it anymore, even my dogs beg for me to clear the clutter, and so we finally get busy.
Actually, it’s not that bad, but I do procrastinate. However, today I unloaded the blasted dishwasher and reloaded, took our “daughters” to school, folded all the laundry AND, THIS IS KEY, we even put it away. I made a run to the grocery story (scary), gave myself a pedicure (I put the paint on tomorrow), washed, dried, and flat-ironed my long, thick, curly hair (no inconsequential task). We journal ed (more about that later), worked out at the gym, saw our T., and check voice mail.
For us, that’s a lot, considering most of our days have consisted of us afraid unable to get out of bed, tied to Will and Grace or Pride and Prejudice.
It occurred to us after the fact that the reason we might have accomplished a few things was because we weren’t switching. I know one member was out earlier and in our therapy session, but we haven’t been cycling through our Rolodex of alters as we usually do (until later. More to come.) So I’m wondering if there is a correlation, and, if there is, then that should speak volumes to us about cooperation and collaboration. If we can get through life without clawing and fighting to get out and present in the world, then there is so much we can achieve. But if we are in contentions, fighting, shoving and pushing each other out of the way, then nothing will be accomplished except frustration leaking down through to each member.
But there is a caveat to this, an inexplicable pattern that has just now been picked up on. There was no switching until just an hour or so before D. (spouse) came home. I guess it was around 2:30 pm when I started noticing shifts; along with the shifts came images and the smallest of recalls and memories. It was disconcerting, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Then the shifts and images started growing in intensity up until the time D. came home. At that point, there was a takeover, a hostile takeover. I was aware of the controlling alter and locked the body inside the bedroom to try to deal. An overriding need to journal was manifest. I’m afraid to go back and read what is in the journal because I don’t think it was good. In fact, it made me hyper-vigilant, easily startled, jumpy, and extremely fearful.
There’s new info in that bloody journal.
So we conferenced, safe placed, contained, tranq’d, and, voila, we got ready for the chore of eating dinner.
So this has happened before…the increasing of shifts in the afternoon. I don’t know if it’s because D. is coming home or I know dinner is on the horizon and I don’t want to it and I’m being triggered.
Whatever the case, we realized two things:
1) We REALLY do work better when we work collaboratively. We were always told that but realized it for ourselves today.
2) We need more communication as to why the shifts have of lately been getting stronger in the afternoon. Is it D. or is it dinner or neither?
To be continued…
…unless we procrastinate, then it won’t be continued. 🙂