Today I feel so depressed and anxious. I’m having trouble just getting up off the couch. I did water my plant and opened the windows for some fresh air, but I’m still in my pajamas and may stay in them all day. I’ve already gone to McDonalds for a soda in my pajamas and house shoes. What the fuck do I care? I haven’t made my bed or unloaded the dishwasher. It’s Monday, and normally this is the day I clean the apartment. And Maybelline is sad because I haven’t take her for a walk. I hate this day.
I should be ashamed that I haven’t picked up the air freshener on the floor in the pic, but I’m not.
I have Therapist today. Whatever. I really don’t want to go.
And I can’t breathe. I can’t cry. I can’t move. I can’t live but I can’t die. But I feel myself fading away.
Just not fast enough.
I should just remind myself that depression will come and go. I’ve had better days before, and I will have them again. Only the depression shuts that noise down. It blocks the ability to think, to contemplate, to hope.