Alas, I just can’t get happy about anything today. I can’t praise myself for eating according to my plan because I don’t believe that is cause for celebration. Intellectually I know it’s a good thing, but I wish someone would tell it to my heart. Nevertheless, I did eat what I was supposed to eat.
I love how bright and cheery these colors on the plate are. For lunch it was a Morningstar Garden Veggie patty, avocado, vegetable chips, salad, and pineapple.
And in the salad we have Baby Spring Mix, tomatoes, carrots, spinach, celery, broccoli, and red bell pepper. All topped with a
heavy little Italian dressing. Last night when I was angry at the woman from the gym I received solace from a place I haven’t heard from in a while. I have a part that makes me sleepy when stress gets to be too much, and so last night I could feel her take over and make me sleepy. When I was in residential treatment there were two places in which this member would intervene regularly: during group therapy about s*xual healing and also in Residential Therapist’s office. I have no control over it when it happens, but I’m grateful for it. This “sleepy” member is like an anti-anxiety pill or a muscle relaxer. She soothes me into a dream that is so welcoming and peaceful . She shuts stress out by shutting me down.Dinner: pizza on English muffins, salad (it’s my fave!) and Oikos honey yogurt.
But then there are other times when I feel estranged from my members. For example, the littles seem to be hiding from me. Or maybe it is I who is hiding from them. I don’t know. I’ve put off letting them watch the cartoon version of 101 Dalmatians because I don’t know if I can handle it when they come out. I’m afraid there will be too much switching which will set off my migraines.Tonight I read them a book called Kiss Good Night, but there was no response from the littles or any other member of my system. (Maybe it’s because the book was really boring.)It was as if I read the book to myself; that’s how much silence I encountered.
What about you? Do you have any alters that perform what some people would consider “weird” jobs? How do you nurture your littles? Does the presence of your alters ebb and flow?
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