Watch out world! We are back home. Yeah, me!
We were inpatient for a little over two weeks. I must admit that it wasn’t as bad as I had predicted. The group of ladies I was with are phenomenal. We formed a bond so close that it will continue past our time in treatment.
Any way, it’s good to be back home and on the computer. Computers were not allowed on the unit so I couldn’t keep in touch with other bloggers. I had almost 300 entries that needed to be read!
So, now what do we do with ourselves? Well, we aren’t discharged completely. We are doing a partial hospitalization program (PHP) for at least another week. The structure of the hospital made it possible to get our eating back on track. We were 100% compliant the whole time. I know that should be motivation for praise but it’s still hard. This is the closest we’ve ever come to recovery. It’s scary and hopeful all the same. I want recovery to stick this time, but something inside me feels differently. It’s always the same old push/pull. Part of me wants to get better, part of me doesn’t. But I have to fake it till I make it. I always say “Do the right thing and let your heart catch up later.” I have to keep trusting my treatment team to make the right decisions for me and in our best interest. Giving up that control makes it scary as hell. I know some where deep inside that is what we need, but there is always another voice to take it’s place.
Well, that’s all for now. It’s good to be back.