My head hurts. I just don’t feel right. My alters have been all over the board today; even now, I feel them hovering around. There’s not a moments peace or a moment alone.
I am proud of myself for getting out of bed and taking the documents up to our university so we may begin classes again in the Fall. Sounds weird saying that. Just earlier one of our more depressed alters was out and she was talking of death. We have the means available to us and she was playing with the patches. She seems to have cried her tears and gone back into hiding.
They’ve been like helicopters all day; always hovering. It wasn’t that there was one or two presenting or sitting beside me, but there was a whole crowd of them inside my head, making my head swimmy and dizzy. I was by myself and taking my items up to my university, so I couldn’t stop and ask D. for help.
I made it through, which is if you are looking for the bright side of things, there it is.
I feel so alone. I haven’t felt well all day and so I’m missing my god-daughters orchestra recital. I hate to miss it, but I don’t have the mental energy for it.
I was talking to my therapist yesterday about mental energy and she thought the fatigue might be from the depression, but I am of a different opinion. It is exhausting when the alters are coming and going and sending their thoughts and feelings and you don’t know what’s real and what’s warbly. That’s were my mental fatigue comes from, I believe. Although I do think my medication needs to be changed, I think being so tired is all about the alters coming and going. I think that’s why I’m out of commission tonight: I forged ahead all day with the alters buzzine about my head.
As for last night, did I go off with Leah and work on building a friendship? No. I copped out and ran some errands with D. We ended up fighting, or someone fought with him because he apologized today and I was like, “What fight?”, so I might have been better suited going to get coffee. But we made a definite date for next Wednesday,
That’s all for tonight.