I haven’t posted lately. I’ve been quiet. At least on the outside. Things are revving up on the inside. I haven’t posted because I have nothing to say. I’m reading everyone else’s post and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.
Why don’t I have anything to contribute? Why don’t I have anything special to offer the blogging community? Why am I such a loser?
More specifically, why am I so fat? Why is everyone better than me? Why can’t I hold down a job? Why is everyone prettier than me? Why, why, why, why, why this, why that, why what?
I feel hopeless and think I would be better off dead. I AM NOT, I REPEAT, I AM NOT suicidal. Would it matter if I were? Wouldn’t my family be better off without me? I would be better off without me.
Does this sound like I feel sorry for myself? I don’t. I feel nothing but contempt for myself. I hate myself and it just won’t go away.